Friday 4 March 2016

Oscars For Best Tits: 2000-2001

The Acadumby Awards, better known as the Oscars, is one of the stupidest, phoniest, cheesiest, and most ridiculous annual events (of any kind) in the world - that much we know. However, what very few of you do know is that every year Hollywood honours actresses with the obscure but to me most prestigious award of them all - the Best Tits Oscar.

I am quite pleased (and a little proud too I have to admit) to inform you that I have been the Chairman of this award ceremony since its inception in 1968. That year, Hollywood realized that decadence had finally hit the big screens to the extent where there were enough boobs to validate the existence of such an award. Until then, bare tits were rarely seen in films, due to heavy censorship laws, the fact that there were less sluts in show-biz, and because the Kremlin-pushed hippie revolution hadn't yet happened i.e. brought about a general lowering of standards.

Very importantly, the breastal winners aren't decided by the usual 5,000 morons who infest Tinseltown and vote for those idiotic regular Oscars. As a result, factors such as political orientation, nepotism, and pat-on-the-back favouritism do not influence the outcome in any way. As Chairman of these awards, I personally handpick the 5,000 voters, and I can assure you that they are all male and straight. There's none of that nonsense of gays and women deciding what does or doesn't constitute a beautiful female body, as is the case with Hollywood and the fashion world these days (which is why we have increasingly ugly women celebs such as Jennifer Aniston - who has very shit tits, as well, I might add).

How did I pick the 5,000 voters? I'd decided that the best men for the job are chronic masturbators.

RULES: Documentaries, movie shorts, music clips, and porn are not eligible. Silicone implants are banned from competing, so you won't be seeing any of those; breast implants are a form of cheating, but more importantly they're extremely ugly. All nominees get their breasts hand-tested, in cases where it's not 100% sure whether their tits are real or not. Asking them whether their boobs are fake isn't enough since, as we all know, actresses tend to lie a lot - and not just on casting couches.

LAYOUT: Each year shows ALL the outstanding tits. Actresses with average or shitty tits are not included, no matter how famous they may be. FIVE of these are selected to be actual nominees, just like with the regular shitty Oscars. The winner and the other four nominees are all marked with bold orange lettering. For those of you who still don't get it: these 5 are the best of the year. All the candidates - nominees and non-nominees - aren't listed in any particular order, except the winner who is shown at the end of each year's list.

So now that you know who picked the winners and what the criteria are, check out the lucky gals who got to carry home these prestigious awards for showing their great tits to the general public.

A more primitive version of the Best Tits Oscar list had first been posted by me in 2009.





Oscars For Best Tits:
2000-2001


2000.

Biljana Filipovic in "100 Girls" & Hayley Carr in "Mood Swingers"

Beverly D'Angelo in "Women in Film" & Katie Holmes in "The Gift"


Elodie Bouchez in "La faute a Voltaire" (lower left) + "Too Much Flesh" (the rest)

Delphine McCarty in "La parenthese enchantee" & Coralie Revel in "Les savates du bon Dieu"

Claire Keim in "The Girl" + "Les sens des affaires" (upper right)

Nino Kukhanidze in "27 Missing Kisses"

Matleena Kuusniemi in "Levottomat"

Katja Riemann in "Desire" & Sabine Timoteo in "L'amour, l'argent, l'amour"

Erica Bergsmeds in "Wirey Spindell"

Anna Loos in "Halt mich fest!" & Stefania Rocca in "Rosa and Cornelia"

Jessica Pare in "Stardom" & Andrea Sawatzki in "Harte Jungs"

The aptly named Vahina Giocante & Audrey Tautou in "Le libertin"

River Phoenix in "Esther Kahn" & Elisa Morucci in "Malena"

Monica Bellucci in "Malena"

Sorell Sisters in "Cruel Intentions 2" & Susie Porter in "The Monkey's Mask"

Ekaterina Rednikova in "Falling Through" & Emily Haack in "Scrapbook"

Ina Weisse in "Liebestod" & Fay Masterson in "Sorted"

Gaëla Le Devehat in "Marius"

Miwako Ichikawa in "Another Heaven"

Barbora Kodetova in "Dune"

Angela Roy in "Die Traumprinzen"

Isild le Besco in "Girls Can't Swim" (left) + "Sade" (right)

Jennifer Connelly in "Waking the Dead" & Julie-Marie Parmentier in "Les blessures assassines"

Laetitia Casta in "Gitano" (left) + "The Blue Bicycle" (right)

Keeley Hawes in "Complicity"

Hollie L. Hummel in "Babes in the Woods"



And The Winner Of The Best Tits Oscar Is...

Ludivine Sagnier for "Bon Plan" (first row) + "Water Drops On Burning Rocks" (the rest)



2001.

Keira Knightley in "The Hole" & Lou Doillon in "Nana"

Sarah Pratt in "Brief Crossing" & Ljubinka Klaric in "Normalni ljudi"

Mina Tander in "Honolulu" & Sara Rue in "Gypsy"

K.D. Aubert in "Surfer Dude" & Stefania Rocca in "Hotel"

Bijou Phillips in "Bully"

Ariel Kiley in "The Sopranos" & Julie Delarme in "L'ile bleue"

Leonor Watling in "Sound of the Sea" & Naomi Watts in "Mulholland Drive"

Andrea Sawatzki in "Das Experiment" (upper left) & Elena Anaya in "Sex and Lucia"

Pascale Bussieres in "XChange" & Kerry Fox in "Intimacy"

Yvonne Scio in "Layover"

Emily Haack in "I Spit On Your Corpse, I Piss On Your Grave" & Annedore Kleist in "Jonathans Liebe"

Marion Cotillard in "Pretty Things" & Madeline Zima in "The Collector"

Franziska Petri in "Leo und Claire"

Joyce Jimenez in "Body Parts"

Neelesha BaVora in "Samsara"

Marine Delterme in "Te quiero"

Gail Fitzpatrick in "How Harry Became A Tree"

Cordelia Bugeja in "The Crew" & Christina Ricci in "Prozac Nation"

Marie Bonnevie in "Syndare i Sommersol" (left) + "Øyenstikker" (right)

Miwaki Ichikawa in "Konsento"

Jana Pallaske in "Engel & Joe"


And The Winner Of The Best Boobs Oscar Is...
Shungiku Uchida for "Visitor Q"





Best 100 Metal Albums: 



No comments:

Post a Comment