Tuesday 8 March 2016

Oscars For Best Tits: 1967

The Acadumby Awards, better known as the Oscars, is one of the stupidest, phoniest, cheesiest, and most ridiculous annual events (of any kind) in the world - that much we know. However, what very few of you do know is that every year Hollywood honours actresses with the obscure but to me most prestigious award of them all - the Best Tits Oscar.

I am quite pleased (and a little proud too I have to admit) to inform you that I have been the Chairman of this award ceremony since its inception in 1968. That year, Hollywood realized that decadence had finally hit the big screens to the extent where there were enough boobs to validate the existence of such an award. Until then, bare tits were rarely seen in films, due to heavy censorship laws, the fact that there were less sluts in show-biz, and because the Kremlin-pushed hippie revolution hadn't yet happened i.e. brought about a general lowering of standards.

Very importantly, the breastal winners aren't decided by the usual 5,000 morons who infest Tinseltown and vote for those idiotic regular Oscars. As a result, factors such as political orientation, nepotism, and pat-on-the-back favouritism do not influence the outcome in any way. As Chairman of these awards, I personally handpick the 5,000 voters, and I can assure you that they are all male and straight. There's none of that nonsense of gays and women deciding what does or doesn't constitute a beautiful female body, as is the case with Hollywood and the fashion world these days (which is why we have increasingly ugly women celebs such as Jennifer Aniston - who has very shit tits, as well, I might add).

How did I pick the 5,000 voters? I'd decided that the best men for the job are chronic masturbators.

RULES: Documentaries, movie shorts, music clips, and porn are not eligible. Silicone implants are banned from competing, so you won't be seeing any of those; breast implants are a form of cheating, but more importantly they're extremely ugly. All nominees get their breasts hand-tested, in cases where it's not 100% sure whether their tits are real or not. Asking them whether their boobs are fake isn't enough since, as we all know, actresses tend to lie a lot - and not just on casting couches.

LAYOUT: Each year shows ALL the outstanding tits. Actresses with average or shitty tits are not included, no matter how famous they may be. FIVE of these are selected to be actual nominees, just like with the regular shitty Oscars. The winner and the other four nominees are all marked with bold orange lettering. For those of you who still don't get it: these 5 are the best of the year. All the candidates - nominees and non-nominees - aren't listed in any particular order, except the winner who is shown at the end of each year's list.

So now that you know who picked the winners and what the criteria are, check out the lucky gals who got to carry home these prestigious awards for showing their great tits to the general public.

A more primitive version of the Best Tits Oscar list had first been posted by me in 2009.




Oscars For Best Tits: 1967



Vicky Dee in "The Girl with Hungry Eyes"

Barbara Keesling in "A Good Time With A Bad Girl"

Pat Barrington in "The Girl with Hungry Eyes"

Lena Nyman in "I Am Curious (Yellow)"

Gloria Prat in "Sangre de vírgenes"



And the owner of the best pair of tits is...

Eva Ras for "Love Affair, or the Case of the Missing Switchboard Operator"

Acceptance Speech: "Hurrá minden film kurvák! A little Hungarian nod to all the easy nők who spread their legs to directors and producers on their way to casting couch glory. Ja sam se licno kurvala sa 90 ogavnih giliptera pre nego sto mi je napokon onaj 91. kreten obezbedio prvu filmsku ulogu. Picka li im materina bedna, pa ja sam pusila i najsmrdljivije kurce da bi se bavila umetnoscu, cak sam im i lizala bulje - i to cak strokave i vaskave - pa mi je opet trebalo, eto, tih 90 majmunskih kuraca pre nego sto sam napokon dobila sansu da se umetnicki iskazem, odnosno da prikazem svoju picku i sise na umetnicko-napaljivi nacin, odnosno tako da bude umetnost ali i da pritom muskarci mogu da drkaju na mene - nesto sto mi pricinjava veliko zadovoljstvo, jer nicega nema lepse u umetnosti nego kada muskarac otkopca slic da bi malo drndao svoju patku uz vasu otkrivenu, razjapljenu dzanu i dojke koje krase mali ili veliki ekran. Predpostavljam da bi mali kurci trebali da svrse po malom ekranu a veliki po velikom, cisto da pomenem kad smo kod ove lepe teme. Pa ako jos pogode ekran ili bioskopsko platno tacno u mene dok svrsavaju, pa to je tek onda nesto zaista divno, zar ne? OK, I go back to English. I am proud to be the first woman in Yugoslavia to show my amazing melons and my very juicy pussy on film. It is a conservative country and women are not used to being whores because they are so afraid of being themselves, unlike me who is very honest and pure about my sexuality. Was I being a little too explicit in my Serbian bit? Oh, don't worry too much about it, this is how I usually talk: I am an insane exhibitionist slut who loves to talk trash at public events, because that attracts attention to me, and I don't give nine shits how I attract attention as long as people look at me. I'd eat my own shit if that got me popularity. Just check out my interviews on YT and listen to my foul language. I just love saying words such as cunt, fuck and whore, those are very poetic and truthful words full of artistic integrity, exuberance and excremental purity. I love myself so much, I cannot describe it with words, except perhaps with my idiotic smile which might give you a hint just how fucking insane and dumb I am. Thank you, Chairman Vjetropev, for helping my tits get even more attention than I got from horny, nerdy critics who secretly wanked to my nude scenes but then pretended they liked the movie because of its artistry - despite the fact that it has almost no plot and the ending is pointless and boring - and thank you to all the horny guys who made me the first winner of this excellent Oscar award."


Best Tits Oscars 1968-1969: 

100 Best-Looking Tennis Players: 






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