The
Acadumby Awards, better known as the Oscars, is one of the stupidest,
phoniest, cheesiest, and most ridiculous annual events (of any kind) in
the world - that much we know. However, what very few of you do know is
that every year Hollywood honours actresses with the obscure but to me
most prestigious award of them all - the Best Tits Oscar.
I
am quite pleased (and a little proud too I have to admit) to inform you
that I have been the Chairman of this award ceremony since its
inception in 1968. That year, Hollywood realized that decadence had
finally hit the big screens to the extent where there were enough boobs
to validate the existence of such an award. Until then, bare tits were
rarely seen in films, due to heavy censorship laws, the fact that there
were less sluts in show-biz, and because the Kremlin-pushed hippie revolution hadn't
yet happened i.e. brought about a general lowering of standards.
Very importantly, the breastal winners aren't
decided by the usual 5,000 morons who infest Tinseltown and vote for
those idiotic regular Oscars. As a result, factors such as political
orientation, nepotism, and pat-on-the-back favouritism do not influence
the outcome in any way. As Chairman of these awards, I personally
handpick the 5,000 voters, and I can assure you that they are all male
and straight. There's none of that nonsense of gays and women deciding
what does or doesn't constitute a beautiful female body, as is the case
with Hollywood and the fashion world these days (which is why we have
increasingly ugly women celebs such as Jennifer Aniston - who has very
shit tits, as well, I might add).
How did I pick the 5,000 voters? I'd decided that the best men for the job are chronic masturbators.
RULES:
Documentaries, movie shorts, music clips, and porn are not eligible. Silicone implants are banned from competing,
so you won't be seeing
any of those; breast implants are a form of cheating, but more
importantly they're extremely ugly. All nominees get their breasts
hand-tested, in cases where
it's not 100% sure whether their tits are real or not. Asking them
whether their boobs are fake isn't enough since, as we all know,
actresses tend to lie a lot - and not just on casting couches.
LAYOUT: Each
year shows ALL the outstanding tits. Actresses with average or shitty tits are not included, no matter how famous they may be. FIVE of these are selected to be actual
nominees, just like with the regular shitty Oscars. The winner and the
other four nominees are all marked with bold orange lettering. For those of you who still don't get it: these 5 are
the best of the year. All the candidates - nominees and non-nominees - aren't
listed in any particular order, except the winner who is shown at the end of each year's
list.
So
now that you know who picked the winners and what the criteria are,
check out the lucky gals who got to carry home these prestigious awards
for showing their great tits to the general public.
A more primitive version of the Best Tits Oscar list had first been posted by me in 2009.
Oscars For Best Tits:
2010-2011
2010.
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| Clara Augarde in "Un poison violent" & Ciara Francini in "Maschi contro femmine" |
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| Madelief Blanken in "The Aviatrix of Kazbek" + "Feuten" (upper left) |
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| Leopoldine Serre in "Je vous aime tres beaucoup" |
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| Camille Rowe in "Notre jour viendra" |
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| Elena Anaya in "Room in Rome" |
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| Angelica Penn in "Lake Placid" |
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| Anne Hathaway in "Love & Other Drugs" |
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| Emma Williams in "First Night" |
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| Amira Casar in "La femme qui pleure" |
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| Sarah Horvath in "Songs of Love and Hate" |
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| Alicia Rachel Marek in "Machete" |
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| Elena Netesina in "Truce" |
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| Nadezhda Tolubeeva in "Truce" |
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| Jessica Bonanni in "Nude Nuns With Big Guns" |
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| Anna Starshenbaum in "Detyam do 16" |
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| Stefanie Dvorak in "Die Exhibitionistin" & Kirsten Dunst in "All Good Things" |
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| Nina Ambard in "L'Amour c'est la honte" |
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| Kathryn Hahn in "Hung" |
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| Megumi Kagurazaka in "Cold Fish" |
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| Barbara Goenaga in "Agnosia" & Fiona Glascott in "The Duel" |
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| Rebecca Marshall in "Party Down" |
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| Elisa Sednaoui in "Eastern Drift" |
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| Alba Rohrwacher in "Come Undone" & Kierston Wareing in "Bonded By Blood" |
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| Ophelia Kolb in "Gainsbourg" |
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| Lea Seydoux in "Roses a credit" |
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| Portia Reiners in "Twelve Thirty" |
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| Sara Rue in "For Christ's Sake" & Jessica Pare in "Hot Tub Time Machine" |
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| Sandra Huller in "Brownian Movement" & Zhou Chu Chu in "Dream Home" |
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| Paz de la Huerta in "Boardwalk Empire" |
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| Gretchen Mol in "Boardwalk Empire" |
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| Laura Ramsey in "Somewhere" |
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| Pauline Etienne in "Black Heaven" & Julianne Nicholson in "Shadows & Lies" |
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| Bai Ling in "Locked Down" + Bangkok Bound" (lower right) |
And the award for the very best melons in the non-decadent world of TV and movies goes to...
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| Deborah Francois for "Mes cheres etudes" |
2011.
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| Addison Timlin in "Californication" |
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| Melissa Stephens in "Californication" |
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| Camille Chen in "Californication" |
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| Aurora Grabill in "The Disco Exorcist" |
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| Kallista Nytly in "The Disco Exorcist" |
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| Alexandra Johnson in "The Disco Exorcist" & Yekaterina Rednikova in "Home" |
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| Petra Tezak in "7 Sex 7" & Aggeliki Papoulia in "Alps" |
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| Natalie Avalon in "Strike Back" |
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| Jennifer Mudge in "Boss" & Bianca Kajlich in "30 Minutes Or Less" |
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| Vica Kerekes in "Muzi v nadeji" |
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| Brigitte Lo Cicero in "L'exercice de L'Etat" |
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| Carice van Houten in "Black Butterflies" (left) + "The Intruders" (right) |
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| Lyndsay Pulsipher in "True Blood" |
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| Alice Barnole in "L'Apollonide" |
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| Iliana Zabeth in "L'Apollonide" |
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| Gaia Bermani Amaral & Lola Bruna in "Xanadu" |
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| Andrea Riseborough in "W.E." |
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| Monica Bellucci in "A Burning Hot Summer" |
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| Marie Louise Wille in "Dreng" |
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| Emma Stansfield in "Skins" |
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| Eva Green in "Perfect Sense" |
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| Rachel Germaine & Christina Ferraro (lower right) in "Weeds" |
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| Hsueh Ya-Wen in "The 3DD Invader" |
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| Jessica Clark in "Chemistry" & Laura Ramsey in "Kill the Irishman" |
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| Melissa Johnston in "Barely Legal" |
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| Ava Santana in "Outtake Reel" & Alejandra Ambrosi in "Crimenes de lujuria" |
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| Lola Creton in "Un amour de jeunesse" |
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| Janet McTeer in "Albert Nobbs" & Juliette Binoche in "Elles" |
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| Kirsten Dunst in "Melancholia" |
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| Laura Wiggins in "Shameless" |
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| Joanna Kulig in "Elles" |
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| Mieke Dockley in "Camelot" & Lake Bell in "How to Make It In America" |
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| Deborah Francois in "The Monk" |
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| Kathryn Wissell in "Snowtown Murders" |
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| Lindsey E. Vuolo in "Dirty Movie" & Zsuzsa Smith in "Strike Back" |
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| Beate Stofring in "Turn Me On, Dammit!" & Marijana Jankovic in "Beast" |
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| Kathryn Rooney in "The Legend of Harrow Woods" & Claudia Potenza in "I piu grandi di tutti" |
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| Liv Lisa Fries in "Romeos" & Pollyanna McIntosh in "The Woman" |
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| Megumi Kagurazaka in "Guilty of Romance" |
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| Robin Sydney in "Femmes Fatales" (upper right) + "Chemistry" (all other pics) |
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| Madison Dylan in "Femmes Fatales" |
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| Carlee Baker in "Femmes Fatales" |
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| Elizaveta Boyarskaya in "Peter the Great, Testament" & Monika Kis in "Beli Lavovi" |
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| Sandy Greenwood in "Killer Elite" (left) + "Jasper" |
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| Sophia Takal in "The Zone" (above) & "Green" (below) |
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| Tiziana Buldini in "Immaturi" |
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| Zana Marjanovic in "In The Land of Blood and Honey" |
And the winner of the Best Tits Oscar in the most competitive year (63 candidates!) in the award's rich history is...
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| Leisha Hailey for "Fertile Ground" |
How Low Is Your I.Q.? Do The Test!
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